Not good enough?
Not good enough? Who would tell that to their children as they were growing up? It happened. Hard to believe right?
Being born and raised in a small town had its pros and cons. We will stick with a con for this blog. As mentioned in my first blog (and I hope you read it), I was born and raised in a small town in central Pennsylvania. My mother had three children and was not married. She did eventually marry my father, and we ended up with a total of six kids in our family. I believe she never felt worthy of herself because everyone knew this about her. Instead of just letting it go and ignoring the past, she chose to harbor the thought forever. Mom did pass it on verbally to her children.
I grew up without a lot of things. Deep down I really felt to be a lesser person than schoolmates and friends. This was probably due to the size of our family, living in the house that we did, not driving a new station wagon, and not having what other kids had (clothes, spending money, and parents that went to church with them).
I graduated from high school with my business subjects of shorthand (which was a squiggly way of taking dictation from the boss), typing, filing and some accounting. There were no computers yet. In my senior year of high school, I was left out a month early and went to work at the local aircraft factory in the purchasing department. There were a handful of “younger” workers. It was the miniskirt age, and this drove them nuts (yes, I wore them). Needless to say, I was excited for this new adventure in the business world. I had the time of my life. (More on this in another blog.)
Being so excited about this new endeavor, I went home and told my mother about some of the ladies I worked with. When I mentioned one name in particular, my mother responded that “she thought she was better than us”. Hmm quite a statement! At this stage I didn’t think too much about her statement, but it did “stick” with me for a very long time.
Eventually, I transferred to the communications department, and it was there I met my husband. He was from a Central American country, and became a regional manager at the company.
After we started dating and later getting married, the “not as good as they are” statement came back to haunt me. We met so many people from around the world. Most were very, very well to do, some had titles, some were just hardworking people that loved the aircraft business. When they visited the company, we would invite them out to dinner, or have them come to our home. Yes! I cooked and had fun doing it. Still the harbored feeling of not being good enough to be around the people we met surfaced over and over again. I wondered what they would think of me if they knew what I came from? What an albatross around the neck!
As the years went by, my sisters and I would get into “mom” discussions. It wasn’t just me having this “unworthy” feeling, but my sisters had it too! It is amazing how much destruction one little sentence can do to you and affect your life forever.
When our two boys were born, this statement wasn’t “passed down” to them. I never wanted them to have that unworthy feeling. Both graduated from college, have wonderful wives, beautiful daughters, and are very successful in their occupations. They fit into just about any scenario. Yes, I am a proud mama!
Even though it is many years later, I still get the “not worthy enough” feeling when I am in a room of people–parties, church, small gatherings. Silly isn’t it?
So why am I sharing all of this with the world? What you tell your children can stay with them forever. One little negative sentence is sometimes all it takes to discourage their dreams, and have them choose to have negative feelings about themselves. The lyrics of, “Teach your children well” is just what to do..
Well thank you for reading and visiting with me. I hope something I have “blogged” about will help you in this journey of life. I hope to see you back!
By The Blogging Grandma